Here's how you can keep the flame burning in your marriage.
Let me tell you a story. It's a familiar story and usually goes like this.
John and Jane fell in love. They can't last a day without seeing each other. So, they got married, had kids, and were living their dream life.
Years passed, misunderstandings came in. Fights have been more frequent, and disagreements are taking their toll on their marriage.
Until the day came that they no longer care for each other. The flame that was once burning is now nothing but a flicker of light.
Now you might be asking, is it possible to stay in love with your spouse even after being married for years? Or is falling out of love inevitable?
I’m sure you’ve heard these questions a million times. The truth is, I've also asked the same questions to myself for years.
While it's true that some can't avoid falling out of love, the good news is, there are still ways on how to stay in love. That is by understanding your love languages on giving vs. receiving. By doing so, you’ll also know how to speak with love.
What are the love languages?
According to Dr. Gary Chapman, there are five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts for Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.
In this post, I will explain the five love languages, and how this may help to keep a good marriage.
1. Words of Affirmation
This language expresses love with words to uplift your partner. Simple words of compliment will do, like "You can do it" or "You make me want to smile every day." Negative comments and insults can hurt those who favor this language. It will take time before they forgive.
2. Acts of Service
This love language is the lover of the 'action speaks louder than words' type. You can show your love by preparing meals, doing the laundry, or anything to help your partner. Thus, lack of support or not showing genuine interest to help will damage someone who favors this language.
3. Receiving Gifts
If you're in a relationship with someone whose primary love language is gift-giving, you can make them feel loved by giving flowers on your anniversary. Keep in mind that it's the little things that mean a lot. Forgetting an important date is a sure way to hurt your partner.
4. Quality Time
This love language is about giving your partner your undivided attention, without distractions. If your partner prefers quality time, then they have to be the center of your attention. Being distracted with other activities while you're with your partner will make them feel bad.
5. Physical Touch
If your partner's language is physical touch, then holding hands, a hug, and sexual intercourse, are some of the ways to connect with them. They will feel loved even with the slightest touch.
Now that the five languages are explained, let's find out how love languages help in marriage.
Let's use me and my husband's love language as an example. His primary love language is physical touch while mine is quality time.
Since he favors touch as an expression of love, I've learned to be intentional when expressing my love to him. I make sure to hug or hold his hand every time we talk. Over the years, I found out that my touch calms and reassures him.
As for me, my husband learned that I cherish every time that we are together, that I would instead love to sit beside him doing nothing than receive a gift. From then on, he's now making sure that we will have what we call our 'date night' at least twice a month.
As a result, we now have a deeper understanding of how we can show our love for each other. We still have misunderstandings from time to time, but I can say that we were able to deal with those because we understood each other better.
In essence, 5 love languages will help improve your communication with your partner. It is okay if you express love in different ways. All you need is a clear understanding of what is your spouse's primary love language. Learning your partner's language will create a strong bond in your relationship. It will also serve as the key to restoring your marriage.
Do you want to know what your love language is? Take the 5 love languages for married couple quiz here and experience how this helps in marriage.
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